Pizza Ordering 101

I am daily flabbergasted at the sheer numbers of people who do not know proper etiquette when ordering food over the phone. Luckily for all of you, i will now teach you these things so you can become an expert. No thank you is necessary, i assure you i do this purely for selfish reasons. ;)

1. Know What You Want

okay, so i understand that you may not know exactly what is on the menu. Or what the specials are. So, what i recommend is calling up, asking for the specials, ask what questions you need to ask and then say "Thanks, we're gonna decide what we want and call you back." Here's another tip: all the big chains have menus online. But please, for any reason, do not do the following:

Me: How can i help you?
Customer: What are your specials?
Me: (recites specials)
Customer: Alright can you hold on? (and then to people in the room) "HEY, WHAT YA'LL WANT?" (and yes, this is always yelled...right into my ear)
Me: crickets chirp
Customer: what did you say that first one was again?
Me: (repeats 1st special)
Customer: Wait...you said how much again?
Me: (repeats 1st special again)
Customer: okay hold on (and then, you guessed it, to the people in the room) "HEY, WHAT YA'LL WANT?"
Customer: (a bunch of laughing in the background, talking about anything besides pizza, etc etc) "HEY, WE GOTTA DECIDE...THIS LADY IS WAITING ON THE PHONE"
Customer: okay, so we can get XYZ?
Me: Absolutely, what do you want on your 1st pizza?
Customer: pepperoni and sausage.
Me: okay, what do you want on your second one?
Customer: wait, do you have chicken? let me get chicken and sausage on that first one.
Me: okay, chicken and sausage
Customer: wait...do you have beef? maybe i want hamburger and chicken on that 1st one....
Me: facepalm
Customer: (turns to the people in the room again) "HEY, WHAT YOU WANT ON YOUR PIZZA?"
Me: looking for the nearest pair of scissors to stab myself with


So i know this sounds extreme, but i promise you i get atleast two calls a day almost exactly like this. promise. Most of the time, however, its more like just the first couple of lines. So, lesson number 1 is....know what you want.

2. Know Where You Live

You would be amazed at how many people A) don't know their phone number, and B) don't know where they are. seriously.  you always get those who are from out of town who don't know what their nearest cross-street is or what part of town they are in, and i totally get that. But there are an astonishing amount of people who legit don't know their address. Rule # 1: if you are going to order something to be delivered to you, you are going to need to know your location. I don't care if you are visiting from out of town, just moved in, whatever....i do not have a remote sensor that picks up your call via GPS and transmits your coordinates to me. someone somewhere knows the address.  Some people literally expect me just to know where they are calling from. Please have this information at the ready before you make the call. pretty please. I'll never forget this call...still one of my favorites:

Me: How can i help you?
Customer: I need a delivery
Me: no problem, what's your address?
Customer: Winston-Salem
Me: (wait a moment to see if there is more coming with that statement.....nope)
Me: Okay....where in winston-salem?
Customer: um......

yeah. no further comments.

3. Understanding the Delivery Charge

everyone charges for delivery these days. everyone. so please, do not rant on and on about how you swear you called last week and we did not charge for delivery. hello....have you seen gas prices lately? or the cost of food? or the cost of insurance? All of these things contribute to our costs as a business. really people, come on....

4.  Tip Your Driver

This is very important. if you are going to order for delivery, you absolutely MUST tip. Sure, there are the excuses....don't have enough money, doesn't the driver get the delivery charge (no they don't), don't have enough money. Here's my thing....if you have enough money to order pizza and have it delivered to your house (which we all know isn't cheap. its a convenient luxury people, not your inherent right as a person on this earth) then you have enough money to break off a few dollars for the driver. if this is to much to ask, then maybe its best that you get your lazy self into the car and hit up the value menu. for reals. What is an appropriate tip? well that depends. If you are getting just one or two pizzas and even maybe a side or drink...you know, something for just the family....then $3 to $5 is good...with $3 being decent and $5 a happy driver. The driver will truly appreciate anything more than that of course. If you are ordering a big order...say over 5 pizzas...then you need to up it accordingly.  I hate to see the hard work that goes into an order that costs $200 only to see my driver come away with a 5. or nothing. Just remember...these guys and gals work for tips. not to mention they put miles and wear and tear on their cars to bring you dinner. So treat 'em right, and they'll treat you right as well (which they should do anyway, but you get my drift)

5. We Are Human

Last, but certainly not least, remember that we are only human. Yes, we get most, if not all, of our orders out flaw-free and on time every day.  But sometimes mistakes happen. Somebody accidentally put mushrooms on your pizza but you wanted black olives? No problem. Just call the store and we will send another one right out to you. probably with something extra...like a drink or dessert...too. If you are okay eating it, we will refund your money then. Whatever it is...we will work with you. Please do not call up to the store screaming at me because we made a mistake. i realize its an inconvenience, and that it shouldn't have happened. but yelling does no good for anyone. And we pump out 100's of pizzas an hour sometimes. so every once in a while something gets mixed up. Do not exclaim to me that mistakes are unacceptable and will not be tolerated  (this has happened to me, those exact words).  Do not assume that i am uneducated because i work in a pizza place (also an accusation i hear). I run a pizza place lady. its not easy work, trust me. nor is it for the faint of mind. and my people? everyone needs jobs. for many here, they are in school or this is their second job.  so please, leave out the insults.