Free to Choose

As i've gone about my activities today (which really only include church and the time i tried to take a nap...until my body literally snickered at me and said "as if" in the most clueless-esque way possible), i've thought about this word: CHOICE.  I think i have spent alot of time dwelling in the land of "no choice"...especially recently. For instance i work alot so i say to myself (and others), i have no choice about my lack of social life. Or i have panic attacks and a psychological issue with food so between the two i have no choice about my battle with my weight.  Because i have no choice about my weight, i also have no choice that men can't look past that weight so i have no choice that i'm not in a relationship. Do you see the spiral? And all of these thoughts led me to think of another word: CRAP. Its all a load of crap, these things i tell myself.  Of course i have choice. After all, isn't that how Heavenly Father designed it to be? That we have our agency to choose? Ultimately what i have realized this past week is this....i am the master of my own destruction.  If i choose "no choice" as my slogan, then it becomes true and i become trapped under my own negativity. Let me give you a "for instance" (a "for instance" is highly more exciting than an example, just so you know):  In all my burned-out glory with my job, i decided that instead of quitting or demoting myself ...which i did actually bring up to my boss, to which he replied "um..no" and basically laughed in my face (i suppose i should take that as a compliment)...i would take on being stress-free this week and see what it did to my daily experience.  Wanna know what i found? My problem isn't actually my job, it's me. All me.  I discovered this because as i focused on being stress-free, spending my personal time reading and writing and being filled-up by things i love, and getting enough sleep...i was happy. joking (i kinda do that anyway, but you get my point). lively. hyper even (on occasion). And all this good-attitudeness occured at work. whoa. Mr. Joe Customer getting mad over some pepperoni and yelling at me? I'm sorry you are having a bad day sir, mine is fantastic.  Wanna get my crew up-beat and laughing? No problem, just run around and give everybody high-fives like we just scored the winning shot of the game. Or do a 10-second rap session with my driver. Or throw snowballs from the ice on the makeline at people. No big deal. Joyfulness: achieved. Productivity: achieved. ah yes, i get to choose.  And choose i shall....