WARNING: Deep Emotional Thoughts

Today is an anniversary of sorts. Most of the time when you think of the word "anniversary" it brings happy thoughts. However, today's anniversary is not so happy. I've tried to tell myself its no big deal...but the truth is it kind of is to me so deal with it. You see, one year ago on this very night I had something taken from me. Physically speaking i lost a car and some stuff (but it was MY stuff dang it), although emotionally it is much more than that. I can still see exactly the way the barrel of that gun looked pointed right at me. I can still feel the uncertainty of whether they would spare my life and hoping, praying that i wouldn't hear a gunshot while my back was turned to them. And i can still feel the fear of being alone in the dark, knowing that two of them had left on foot and were still out there somewhere...wanting to just collapse and cry but making myself suck it up and search for help, banging on doors in the middle of the night until someone would let me in. And i still feel IMMENSE gratitude and love for the friends that jumped out of bed and got there almost as fast as the police did. I remember feeling so supported from those friends who were not just co-workers, but really cared about me. This year has been hard, not so much because of the actual incident (though i'm VERY cautious at night and don't trust anyone i don't know) as is the fall out, the aftermath if you will. I've struggled with feeling like it wasn't a big enough deal to have the emotional repercussions i've had, but deep down i know it is. Because whether or not anyone else thinks its valid, it is MY reality...and that's what matters. This year, i look forward to a year of healing, peace and freedom. Healing to my stress riddled body, peace to my troubled soul, and freedom from paying for a car that i don't even have. I will not be a victim to this any longer, it doesn't serve me or those i come in contact with. DONE.