Meditation Moment

We humans are such strange and interesting creatures aren't we? I am often baffled by the emotional rollercoaster that characterizes our lives, or more specifically mine. We crave love, fulfillment, joy and success and yet as we begin down our path towards greatness we purposefully (albeit subconsciously) sabotage our own efforts only to look back and wonder what the heck happened. Is it any wonder that we are constantly thwarted by our ever-present, ever powerful arch enemy....ourselves? To be honest its quite exhausting. We should all declare a vacation, go to a tropical island, dwell amongst the island-folk and live out our days surrounded by beautiful vegetation and sunsets all the while wondering why we ever allowed ourselves to experience so much unnecessary pain and exasperation in the first place. Okay, its not that easy. But one can dream right? I will admit one thing...I have a seemingly incurable addiction to suffering. Don't look at me like that, chances are you have it too (in all its various stages). I'm not talking about pain and suffering we get to thank our lucky stars for as a result of the actions and stupidity of others. I'm talking about the pain we inflict on ourselves because we (A) have no idea that we are doing it... (2) are aware but don't know how to get out of the cycle...or (12) in some sick and twisted way find some degree of pleasure in it because it allows us to be a victim. No matter what your reason, it all boils down to one thing: We don't think we are truly worth the aforementioned love, fulfillment, joy and success. Guilty as charged. In light of this awareness (which in some ways is worse than blissful ignorance) I have enrolled in an online course entitled "Overcoming Self-Sabotage" by Debbie Ford. geez, what have i gotten myself into? As i stand ready and (some-what) willing to sift through all the junk that is jill, it is my hope that chapter by chapter i will close the storybook that holds all of the self-deprecating fairytales i've been telling myself since i was a child. And despite the fact that i hold Debbie personally responsible for having me drag my own face through the mud, it is quite possible that she is my new best friend. Because i know that on the other side I get to enjoy the love, fulfillment, joy and success that i've always dreamed about in a world where i no longer create my own obstacles and jill is wonderful. That, my friends, gives me hope.