Oh where, oh where has jilly jill been?

Lately I've been trapped in a vortex of work and...more work. I would like to say that sleep fits into that mix but i would be lying to you. Don't worry, i did get a few hours (or naps i should say) here and there. Alas, it is recovery time...despite the fact that another storm is looming over our head within the next couple of days. yikes. We really need the snow to hit us (seeing as how that is the business and all) so instead of praying that it doesn't, pray that it does and that i will still be alive at the end.

just in case you care...

ugh. i'm tired. really tired.

The Bells

This is a blog shout to a few of my favorite people in the world...the Bell family. I love them dearly. They make me laugh and i love being around them whenever i'm home and get the chance. David would like to say hey as well...

I just wanted to post a few clips of them doing what they do. They tell me jokes and keep me entertained with acrobatics. And apparently they really like chase games. I love you Laura, Jason, Jamison, Sierra and Paige!

Meditation Moment

We humans are such strange and interesting creatures aren't we? I am often baffled by the emotional rollercoaster that characterizes our lives, or more specifically mine. We crave love, fulfillment, joy and success and yet as we begin down our path towards greatness we purposefully (albeit subconsciously) sabotage our own efforts only to look back and wonder what the heck happened. Is it any wonder that we are constantly thwarted by our ever-present, ever powerful arch enemy....ourselves? To be honest its quite exhausting. We should all declare a vacation, go to a tropical island, dwell amongst the island-folk and live out our days surrounded by beautiful vegetation and sunsets all the while wondering why we ever allowed ourselves to experience so much unnecessary pain and exasperation in the first place. Okay, its not that easy. But one can dream right? I will admit one thing...I have a seemingly incurable addiction to suffering. Don't look at me like that, chances are you have it too (in all its various stages). I'm not talking about pain and suffering we get to thank our lucky stars for as a result of the actions and stupidity of others. I'm talking about the pain we inflict on ourselves because we (A) have no idea that we are doing it... (2) are aware but don't know how to get out of the cycle...or (12) in some sick and twisted way find some degree of pleasure in it because it allows us to be a victim. No matter what your reason, it all boils down to one thing: We don't think we are truly worth the aforementioned love, fulfillment, joy and success. Guilty as charged. In light of this awareness (which in some ways is worse than blissful ignorance) I have enrolled in an online course entitled "Overcoming Self-Sabotage" by Debbie Ford. geez, what have i gotten myself into? As i stand ready and (some-what) willing to sift through all the junk that is jill, it is my hope that chapter by chapter i will close the storybook that holds all of the self-deprecating fairytales i've been telling myself since i was a child. And despite the fact that i hold Debbie personally responsible for having me drag my own face through the mud, it is quite possible that she is my new best friend. Because i know that on the other side I get to enjoy the love, fulfillment, joy and success that i've always dreamed about in a world where i no longer create my own obstacles and jill is wonderful. That, my friends, gives me hope.

Happy Friday Everybody!

its a good day. Why you ask? because its friday. And for some reason i find myself amused by all things today. . Its good to know there is no tumor in my humor (to quote a song by Robbie Williams). Before I recount some hilarious happenings of the day i'd like to throw this random picture up Seriously how cute are we? These are who the Smith extended family likes to refer to as the "four girls". Mainly because we are. Anyway, we 4 girls are the oldest of the cousin clan on the Smith side. I have many a fond and funny memory with these beautiful ladies. From left to right we have me, Emily, my sister Laura, and Royale.

In other news, I embarked on an artistic adventure the other day. I bought a journal to carry around with me (for those of you who don't know.. i like to write) that could fit in my purse. Out of the color options i had i chose black. Seeing as how it was plain jane on the front i wanted to give it a little flair so I decided to undertake this project during an A.D.D. moment at work (of which i have many). Due to the fact that i did not have access to a silver sharpie or paints i decided to use white out. Mistake #1 ...it was the brush kind not the pen. Needless to say it did'nt turn out like i had planned. So after looking at it for some time i was able to fix my blunder using more white out and colored sharpies and actually created something that was kind of cute. I wanted to go buy some glossy finish to spray on it so it didn't rub off...which found me in line at a store when an altercation broke out between a manager and a tiny asian man. The hilarity of this situation was that the manager was a young black woman in her mid-twenties and towered easily over 6 feet tall. The man, however, was atleast in his 60's (possibly even 70's) and was under 5 feet. Anyway, he started getting rowdy about some customer service issue and was yelling threats to this poor unfortunate girl. They tried to escort him off of the premises at which time i was sure there would be a movie-esque moment of martial artistics. Eventually the police were called and all was seemingly settled. If it weren't for the risk of being sued or kung-fu'd i would have provided video. Upon my arrival at home i sprayed my special journal... but (mistake #53) sprayed inside the house instead of out for fear of freezing and now (as if you can't tell) i'm pretty sure i'm stoned from the fumes. excellent.

My sister-friend Jodi

Last week Jodi and Joe met me in D.C. to have lunch on their way to New York. It was really good to see her (and Joe too). We used to be roommates and spend all of our time together except for that whole work thing that adults have to do. Therefore, its been hard to be so far from her and not see her very often. Here's a little video proving that in fact she does love me. I probably should have okay'd this with her....oh well. I love you Jodi!

House of Bricks

Seeing how it is Sunday and all, i have been thinking about my Savior and how special the atonement is to me. Last week in church i taught a lesson on this very subject, and it reminded me of this poem. I came across House of Bricks a few months ago in an old notebook of mine and until then had forgotten all about it. I'm not sure when i wrote it, but due to the other writings surrounding it i'm guessing it was about 3 years ago. It displays my feelings about how the atonement has affected me in my life. I just had a thought the other day about how i refer to myself in this poem as a house of bricks. The significance of this (and i never thought about this until this week), is that when we see houses in our dreams they represent our self, according to dream analysts. Just a little food for thought.

House of Bricks

A house of bricks with four strong walls

to outside elements won't fall

It takes a special kind of wind

to dispense doom and bring its end.

With inside pieces flying 'round

Those sturdy walls come crashing down

And in one final deafning sound

All is still upon that ground.

But mostly one would always find

atleast small parts of house that rise

From heaps of rubble upward bound

to be rebuilt once they are found.

A skillful carpenter can fix

this humble house of crumbled bricks

And with his healing hands he works

to build it stronger than at first.

And in no time it seems it stands

a masterpiece of careful hands

A witness to the neighbors there

The power of His redeeming care.

Meditation Moment

Why do i allow myself to be a victim of my own life?

The truth is I do know how to overcome. It may not be the easiest but it is a choice..

a choice to overcome silently, for that is a true hero to me

One who can endure, rise above

and choose positive, self-growth and supreme spirituality over

negativity, poor me and vicitim mud.

Take responsibility, for it is the only way out

It is the doorway out of the darkness and the beginning of a new life

A life where my obstacles are opportunities and i choose the better part.

Where I inspire my world, for that is what i truly want my life to be.

I want to be a beacon of love

I want to be light in darkness

I want to bring happiness, joy and peace

Warren on Ice

A few weeks ago the Anderson's and I went ice skating for David's birthday. David attempted a go at the ice, but due to nap time and the skates being a little big...well let's just say it didn't work out. Warren, however, showed no fear and a need for speed. Luckily it wasn't that cold and we had a blast. Here's a few clips...

Oh What Fuuuuuun....

Seriously, how cute is she?

I rounded the corner at my mom's house and this is what i found. I was trying to hurry and grab my camera for fear that she would stop, but no need to worry here...she kept going and going and going....

Hello World

well maybe not the whole world. I've decided to create this blog in an effort to better express myself...okay i'll be honest a need to express myself... through writing down all these thoughts that constantly run circles around my mind. My hope is that i will experience a renewal of creativity that i so often suppress (don't we all?). As a bonus it will allow me to let my friends and family know me better. Yes i use the word let. For so long in my life i've complained (mostly just to myself) that those close to me don't even really know who jill is. but what i've realized is that i am responsible...i've held myself back and people can only know me as much as i will allow them to. That said, I want a place where i can just write, post poetry and videos and basically whatever i feel like. Sometimes it may be deep, other times light and fun. I make no promises because my mind can be slightly unpredictable. so here goes...