Strange Occurance

Obviously by now most of us here know that i have been coping with a panic disorder for almost the last two years.  While it is the farthest thing from enjoyment for me, I have also been grateful for the lessons i've learned and the growth i've had while struggling with this.  I've found that recently they come on when i'm overly tired, so i usually expect them on the weekends after i've had a full week of school and work and i'm feeling drained.  Since i had only 6 hours of sleep in about a 72 hour period, its really no wonder it was rearing its ugly head last night.  I think i've stumbled on a great way for me to deal with them in the moment.  I was pulling double duty last night as both a manager and a delivery driver...i would take several deliveries, come back in the store and manage for about an hour, then hit the road again.  It was probably somewhere around 2:30a.m. when i was out driving and suddenly my mouth started to go numb.  This was the dialogue (out loud, mind you. luckily it was just  me in the car):

"Okay, mr. panic, i'm only giving you 20 seconds to do your thing and thats it. I've got better things to do with my brain space tonight, so bring it on 'cause  you don't have long. 20...19 (i was counting out loud)...18...17...seriously this is all you got?...16...15...14...you're telling me all you can pull off tonight is a measly mouth numbness?....13....12....11....really this is kinda pitiful, i mean, you've made half my body go numb before. surely you can do better than this....10....9....8...you're running out of time....7...6...5...if you're gonna bring it you better do it now....4....3...2...1. Sorry, time's up."

Jill: 1, Panic: 0.  yeah, thats what i thought punk.

Apparently talking to my panic and inviting it or even wanting it to come kept it from doing just that.  who knew.