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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Thanksgiving

I know its not yet thanksgiving (afterall, we have to get through halloween first) but i am so thankful for so many things. These past 8 weeks of my time in Utah have been both very trying and exciting. I'm first and foremost thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly the experiences i need for growth, and a loving Savior for giving me comfort in uncertain circumstances. I'm thankful for my cousin Sara and her husband Shawn for letting me stay with them for 6 weeks (longer than expected) while i tried to get things together. I'm thankful that my brother Joseph and his wonderful wife Katie (lets not forget one of the coolest kids i know...Claire) live only 40 miles away and that i get to see them almost every weekend. I'm also grateful that they let me stay with them for a few nights while i did the whole "homeless" thing. I'm grateful for the experience of sleeping in my car for about 4 days because my school's financial aid office was being soooooo slow. Yes i'm grateful for that. Don't worry, i didn't sleep in my car overnight because i work during the night most of the time. i did, however, sleep in my school's parking garage during the day. That week, on the nights that i didn't have to work, i slept in provo at joseph's house. It taught me that no matter what, i am willing to do what it takes to be here where i feel the Lord wants me. And that he will sustain me and protect me even when it looks bleak. I'm grateful for my new place, which i love, and my new roommate. We are kind of instantly comfortable with each other and can hang out like we've been friends for years. The house is very cute in a great neighborhood, and pretty close to both school and work. I'm grateful for my job even though it drives me crazy sometimes, doesn't necessarily give me enough hours and has me on a weird sleep schedule with school. I know that in these times it is hard to come by a job, so i'm glad i have one that will allow me to work around my classes. And i'm sooooo thankful for my wonderful school. I'm learning so much about business and life, especially as it applies to the gospel. My own personal and professional goals are shifting to something much bigger and more open than i ever thought possible. The world is full of opportunities, and i intend to not only take them, but help others see them and grab ahold of their dreams as well. I'm grateful for the opportunity that i have to struggle financially, to have to really decide for the first time in my life whether i'm going to pay tithing or that bill that needs to be paid because i don't have enough money for both. It really has me take a look at what i believe, tests my faith and allows my testimony to grow exponentially. And lastly, but most certainly not least, i'm grateful that i live so close to so many temples. I love love love that place. I want you all to know that while its hard, i'm doing well. The Lord will take care of me, for He has promised me that as long as i'm in the service of His kingdom, i will have sufficient of this world's means. I just hope that I'm sensitive enough to the Spirit to walk the paths He would have me take and find the open doors.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Update

I apologize for the long absence from posting....i've just been seriously busy. I've been working two jobs (one usually all night from 8 or 10pm til 4 or 6 am, sometimes 7 am depending on the day....and the second job is 4am til 7am mon-thurs) and going to school full time in the day. Last week i logged 60 hours of work and about 20 of school....needless to say i'm pretty tired. My schedule hasn't allowed much time for sleep, sometimes going a 48 hour stretch with only about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I have turned in a two week notice for my second, smaller job due to the fact that i just can't physically take it. Its been a hard several weeks on this schedule....because of sleep deprivation my panic attacks are way up and more intense, i've developed a stutter (its kind of funny but really not...if it weren't for the lack of sleep thing i would be really worried about something more serious) and i don't feel like i have great control over my body (i'm noticing as i'm trying to type and my fingers just won't cooperate). My schedule should calm down a little with the quitting of the second job though. I'm excited to say i get this friday off!!!! i haven't had a day off in about 10 days so it is much needed. I am glad to report that my grades are great through all of this...hopefully i can keep it up. Despite all of the busy-ness, i'm so grateful that i've found a job that will allow me to make enough to support myself while in school. While i know everyone is worried about me (i'm kinda worried too right now because i feel really weird), I want you to know that i'm going to be okay. I know that i'm walking through the doors that Heavenly Father wants me to, even if they are hard. It is all for a purpose, leading me toward the doors that still stand open and waiting. I'm working hard and learning so much. I love you all!