Rants and Raves and Rambles

You know how you have some days where every single pet peave you have seems to stare at you in the face? Well, i've determined that all it takes to have this experience is a trip to the local Walmart. Annoyance #1: stupid people in general. I'll break this down for you in my following list of grievances.
PEOPLE ON ESCALATORS: I understand that some people are too tired/sick/lazy to walk down stairs, and thus want to hang out on the moving staircase. i get it. I like escalators because they help me walk down (or up) the stairs faster-than-your-average-jilbeez. Therefore, please observe proper etiquette by hanging to the right so i can pass on the left. This will keep me from having to yell "LEFT" in order to pass you, and thus feeling like Tea Leoni in "Spanglish".
PEOPLE THAT THINK THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THEM: no, i do not also feel that you deserve a red carpet wherever you place your blessed feet. You do not deserve to cut in line in front of everyone, nor special treatment for any reason. Just buy your things and move along please, so this urge I have to kick you in the shins will pass.
PEOPLE THAT ARE ALWAYS IN THE WAY: I swear the same two ladies blocked my path atleast 3 times during this trip to walmart in three different areas of the store, which only lasted about 10 minutes. AND, i should note that they are the type that DO. NOT. MOVE. and look at you like "this is my world and you best find another way through". I'll leave the physical description of these two women to your imagination because i know you've experienced this too. I have about three more annoyances dealing with the parking lot, but i'll spare you the torture. I will say that for the first time in three weeks, i have a day off! actually i have two. Apparently my boss finally realized i needed a break because i was starting to be mean to the customers. Just picture Bill Cosby in "Ghost Dad" coming through the phone to choke the boyfriend. Thats what i want to do every time a customer asks "what's your specials". okay, i'm done with my rant, rave and ramble. I'm off to enjoy my time with joseph, katie and claire....

This made my day

Love this version of "i'm yours" by Jason Mraz. In fact i like it better than the original :) By the way, i totally sing like this when i'm by myself and don't know the words to a song...

Just some thoughts

You know what i've learned lately? Life is hard. period. Although i feel singled out by this phenomenon a majority of the time, somewhere deep inside my head i know that everyone feels this way about their life too. Okay maybe not that deep inside of my head. Regardless, one of the great things about "the hard life" is that its sprinkled with hundreds upon thousands of really great genuine warm fuzzy moments. Which is how i guess we all keep trudging on despite our load. That being said, i'd like to publicly announce that (A) I am sad and slightly annoyed that i'm not able to go home for christmas, and (B) that i am going to start a book-writing adventure. I don't think i'm a good enough writer honestly to push out an entire book, nor do i know exactly what it would be about or look like. But i'm just gonna start writing and see what happens. I've always felt that i would write something one day that would help someone else....and besides, all of those weird and exciting-yet-sometimes-life-threatening experiences that i seem to attract should be good for something right?
Not to totally bore everyone, but something else that's really been on my mind lately is people. Maybe its the holidays talking, but i've really been missing people lately. Everyone that i've loved and lost throughout my life, which turns out to be quite the number actually. I'm aware of the whole "people come and go" adage but that doesn't mean i have to be a fan of it. As i look back all the way to childhood it seems that no matter how much i try to love people they flee from me as if i had a plague. Slightly an exaggeration but you get my drift. It makes for a lonely jilly. Don't get me wrong, I have some incredible friends and family that i just love and adore and for some reason love me back. I just miss people from my past sometimes, thats all. I guess its true what they say....its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all....right? If i'm a true follower of Christ then this must be true.....happy holidays!

Short Update

i would do a longer one, but honestly i'm just too tired. Getting 4 hours of sleep or less a night is starting to wear me down, so needless to say i'm VERY excited that this is my last week of school. I can't even begin to tell you what the prospect of a normal amount of sleep means to me. All of you moms that wake up many times in the night understand i'm sure. AND i don't even have kids to then entertain/take care of all day so i can't really complain. I basically just stopped by to say that I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I was given several tender mercies this week that meant alot to me....very swift answers to prayer. I'm sure He saw my discouragement and decided to give me a pick-me-up to remind me that He's aware of me and that i am indeed where i'm supposed to be, even though some days it just seems too hard. It was a great way to experience thanksgiving week :)

I'm Alive!!!

Yes, its true. I barely made it through last week, but i am indeed breathing (thankfully) and still kickin'. I woke up last sunday feeling very tired and lethargic in general. This isn't entirely abnormal for me because of my weird schedule and chronic lack of sleep. But after being awake for about two hours i suddenly started developing a very deep chest cough. By that night i was beginning to get the whole body ache/chills thing going on. My first thoughts were either pneumonia or swine flu. Because i'm "high risk" due to my asthma and the fact that i just don't have time to be on my death bed, i went straight to the doctor on monday morning. Good news = no swine flu or pneumonia (the doc used the word "yet" with pneumonia, which was somewhat disconcerting). Bad news = i couldn't breathe and had a pretty nasty rhinovirus (what causes the common cold). My asthma was out of control, so for the first time in years i acquired an inhaler to open my lungs. By friday most of the cold was gone (except for sinus issues) and i wasn't coughing nearly as much but i still couldn't breathe...and EVERYTHING tired me out. I was really concerned because my lungs wouldn't expand which found me back at the doctors. highlight of the day = the nurse taking me for a walk around the practice several times so we could determine if i was losing oxygen when in motion. Other patients kept looking at us weird as we kept circling (walking very fast) back through the lobby. I cracked a few jokes about walking patients instead of dogs, my squeeky shoes, etc. And then found that not only was i not losing oxygen, but, and i quote," your lungs sound great and look perfect". So why can't i breathe? apparently my lungs are not a fan of the dry, higher altitude air and poor air quality that gets trapped in the salt lake valley here during the winter. excellent. first the skin, now the lungs. East coast anyone? I will say, however, that i am feeling much better despite my still feeling tired. Not that any of you needed all these details but honestly its my blog so i'll write what i want while i'm bored at school :). In other news, i went to my new ward yesterday for church and LOVED it. Definitely where i'm supposed to be and can't wait to just jump into activities and make some friends. Okay i'm done.

Thanksgiving

I know its not yet thanksgiving (afterall, we have to get through halloween first) but i am so thankful for so many things. These past 8 weeks of my time in Utah have been both very trying and exciting. I'm first and foremost thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly the experiences i need for growth, and a loving Savior for giving me comfort in uncertain circumstances. I'm thankful for my cousin Sara and her husband Shawn for letting me stay with them for 6 weeks (longer than expected) while i tried to get things together. I'm thankful that my brother Joseph and his wonderful wife Katie (lets not forget one of the coolest kids i know...Claire) live only 40 miles away and that i get to see them almost every weekend. I'm also grateful that they let me stay with them for a few nights while i did the whole "homeless" thing. I'm grateful for the experience of sleeping in my car for about 4 days because my school's financial aid office was being soooooo slow. Yes i'm grateful for that. Don't worry, i didn't sleep in my car overnight because i work during the night most of the time. i did, however, sleep in my school's parking garage during the day. That week, on the nights that i didn't have to work, i slept in provo at joseph's house. It taught me that no matter what, i am willing to do what it takes to be here where i feel the Lord wants me. And that he will sustain me and protect me even when it looks bleak. I'm grateful for my new place, which i love, and my new roommate. We are kind of instantly comfortable with each other and can hang out like we've been friends for years. The house is very cute in a great neighborhood, and pretty close to both school and work. I'm grateful for my job even though it drives me crazy sometimes, doesn't necessarily give me enough hours and has me on a weird sleep schedule with school. I know that in these times it is hard to come by a job, so i'm glad i have one that will allow me to work around my classes. And i'm sooooo thankful for my wonderful school. I'm learning so much about business and life, especially as it applies to the gospel. My own personal and professional goals are shifting to something much bigger and more open than i ever thought possible. The world is full of opportunities, and i intend to not only take them, but help others see them and grab ahold of their dreams as well. I'm grateful for the opportunity that i have to struggle financially, to have to really decide for the first time in my life whether i'm going to pay tithing or that bill that needs to be paid because i don't have enough money for both. It really has me take a look at what i believe, tests my faith and allows my testimony to grow exponentially. And lastly, but most certainly not least, i'm grateful that i live so close to so many temples. I love love love that place. I want you all to know that while its hard, i'm doing well. The Lord will take care of me, for He has promised me that as long as i'm in the service of His kingdom, i will have sufficient of this world's means. I just hope that I'm sensitive enough to the Spirit to walk the paths He would have me take and find the open doors.

Update

I apologize for the long absence from posting....i've just been seriously busy. I've been working two jobs (one usually all night from 8 or 10pm til 4 or 6 am, sometimes 7 am depending on the day....and the second job is 4am til 7am mon-thurs) and going to school full time in the day. Last week i logged 60 hours of work and about 20 of school....needless to say i'm pretty tired. My schedule hasn't allowed much time for sleep, sometimes going a 48 hour stretch with only about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I have turned in a two week notice for my second, smaller job due to the fact that i just can't physically take it. Its been a hard several weeks on this schedule....because of sleep deprivation my panic attacks are way up and more intense, i've developed a stutter (its kind of funny but really not...if it weren't for the lack of sleep thing i would be really worried about something more serious) and i don't feel like i have great control over my body (i'm noticing as i'm trying to type and my fingers just won't cooperate). My schedule should calm down a little with the quitting of the second job though. I'm excited to say i get this friday off!!!! i haven't had a day off in about 10 days so it is much needed. I am glad to report that my grades are great through all of this...hopefully i can keep it up. Despite all of the busy-ness, i'm so grateful that i've found a job that will allow me to make enough to support myself while in school. While i know everyone is worried about me (i'm kinda worried too right now because i feel really weird), I want you to know that i'm going to be okay. I know that i'm walking through the doors that Heavenly Father wants me to, even if they are hard. It is all for a purpose, leading me toward the doors that still stand open and waiting. I'm working hard and learning so much. I love you all!

Dog Tired

haha, get it? Anyway, there are several thoughts i have that i really want to post and share with all of you, but i'm just too tired. Dog tired.

Life Lessons from a Homeless Woman

Today I was driving along in downtown SLC and while stopped at a light noticed a woman to my right on the sidewalk. She was clearly a fairly aged woman, and by the looks of her clothes and slightly starved appearance I assumed she was homeless...(for those of you not familiar with SLC, I have noticed while going to and from school that the parks are filled with homeless souls sleeping on benches and at the foot of trees). What struck me was that she was wearing an old set of headphones and literally dancing her way down the sidewalk. Now the first instinct when seeing a scene like this is to laugh. But I couldn't help but think...here was a woman who probably had it pretty rough, more so than i ever have or can even imagine. And yet, she was finding joy in the moment. She was clearly enjoying the music and letting it move her, seemingly unaware or uncaring to who might be watching or poking fun. Maybe if we found more joy in our present moments, we would experience life to its fullest...the way I'm sure our Heavenly Father would like us to. We would instantly be filled with more gratitude because we would truly see the hand of God in our lives, grateful for what we have instead of worried about what we don't.

Unfairness

Earlier today as I took a drug test I had an epiphany. You know what i realized? We girls got the shaft. How so you may ask? Well, first of all a guy can throw on a pair of nice sweatpants, a tshirt and a backwards hat and be acceptable anywhere. If we wear that, people question our personal hygiene. Secondly, we can't just relieve ourselves of bodily fluids anywhere we please. We always have to find the *yuck* porta-johns or find a gas station every two hours on a road trip. Inconvenience. And lastly, taking drug tests just isn't fun or easy. You girls know what i'm talking about. Don't get me wrong, I love being a girl (3 out of 4 weeks a month) but i'm just sayin. While i'm on a rant, let me also tell you a pet peave of mine. When people who have two perfectly good legs and no physical limitations wait 10 minutes for an elevator to go up or down one floor. They slow up the rest of us who have to go up 8. Just sayin.